Insecurity in the Lifestyle
We all have things about which we are self-conscious. Often, these are things that only we notice. If we share with a friend that thing that we are worried about, we are often told we are being silly and that the thing is not really, well, a thing. Others most often don’t see those “flaws” the way we do.
In the Lifestyle, we spend our time getting naked in front of others, wearing tight or revealing outfits at clubs, and hoping that the sexy person we just met finds us sexy as well. Those little (or big) things we worry about can eat at our confidence, lessening an otherwise amazing experience.
But I have to say that, after many years in the Lifestyle, I have learned that this warm and welcoming community appreciates people and their unique qualities. One of the most wonderful things that I have experienced is how much the women in the Lifestyle build each other up. Rather than cattiness or competition, there are compliments and courtesy. And the guys are genuinely appreciative of our bodies- slender, curvy, buxom, tall, petite, blonde, brunette, redhead, in jeans or an evening gown- they love our bodies.
Some of you who know us personally may have heard Matt talk about how he used to have a “type”—me! I am a slender brunette with what he likes to call small, perky tits, hee hee. But after being in the Lifestyle awhile, with all the beautiful, friendly, sweet, sexy, funny, awesome ladies out there, he just does not have a type anymore. He finds ladies attractive for all their beautiful and unique qualities.
Having said that, we still have to say that there are lots of great people in this community, but not everyone is going to gel with everyone. We all have to acknowledge that fact and be ok with it. We don’t have to take offense and feel like it was because something was wrong with us. It was just that you didn’t click, and that’s ok. Being “just friends” with some of the awesome people in the LS is pretty cool too.
As far as being nervous about pleasing the person you are spending an evening with, the key to that is communication. Asking the person what they like is a great idea, and being willing to share what works for you is always welcome. You don’t have to worry about guessing what works for someone if you ask! And, if you are asked, answer thoughtfully and honestly. Those conversations can also be part of the sexy flirtation and build-up during dinner, drinks or other pre-play events. Talking about what you like, or telling someone what your spouse likes is nice once playtime comes around. It all just adds to the experience.
Body image can be a tough issue, so if you find you really struggle with it, talking to a professional could be helpful. But please understand that we all have insecurities, and you may be spending mental energy worrying about something that is likely only a focus for you. You might try, for just one evening, to give yourself permission not to worry about the thing you are insecure about and see how the evening goes. Did you feel better or worse? Did you get some kind of negative reaction to the thing you are insecure about? What can you conclude from the experiment?
Most importantly, personality goes a long way with respect to attractiveness. Most of us are average-looking people who make an effort at being healthful. And physically, that is all we can do. But being a cool person is what really gets people’s attention. Being their best self is the most beautiful quality in anyone.